Voice it from the head? Or convey from the heart?

Stories where laughter is compelled, Others, your eyes ask permission to well,
Stories silenced just because they are hard to believe, These are the stories waiting to breathe.

My life has been a journey, And voyage it be
So many lives whirling in me, The ones that I hide
Ones that I summon the world to see. So many lives twirling in me.
Yester-life occupying space,

Life yet to come reserving its place, The life that was paused,
The opportunities lost.
 So many lives dwelling in me, Ones that I share,
And the ones that will never be. Tell my story.

Where to begin?
Let me tell you about the time when . . . I really thought I could fit in,
Ivy league trained, Law degree earned,
A big city lawyer in a prestigious firm.
Highly trained esquires, Failing to see,
There is a Muslim stationed in me, Or I was the one that lacked clarity.

 That was the legalization of me, Shaping who I should be,
Left it all behind,
I wanted to be me,
I needed to break free.

Legal career, that one is done, Corporate America, here I come. That was professionalization of me, Climbing a corporate ladder,
that was leaning against the wrong tree.
I embraced the American dream, Neglecting to notice,
I was rewriting my life’s theme,

Painting my soul void of colors of the scene. You are a Muslim,
Remember your deen.
Muslim in America, The struggle is real, Yet, I am Muslim,
It is God’s will.

Marriage is half of your deen, So, I was told,
As a good Muslim girl, I went down that road.
Stand by your man to the bitter end, It got bitter,
I was no longer standing, I picked my self-up,
We worked it out, By his side,
Just not as his spouse.

Better friend, I could not find, He was still family,
And his family mine,
Forty-two years, husband then friend, As it turned out,
I was there in the end.

From Allah he came, To Allah he returned. So many lives,
So many lessons were learned.
 Salaam Alaikum, brothers and sisters, Checking me out,
My professionalization shading their view, I am an African American Muslim,
Just like you.

 Throwing shade like a tree, What did they see?
Muslim you say. To what degree?
 Hear my name, Question my conviction,
Thinking this non- Muslim name is a contradiction.
 Ummah of the East, see my dark skin, “When did you become a Muslim?”

 What do I say?
I was a Muslim on the very first day. Alhamdulillah, I came out the womb that way.
 “America, is that your place of birth?” “When did you convert?”
 Convert from what?
I never been anything but.
 Why the inquiry? Are they assessing,
The depth of the Muslim in me?

Tell my story. Where to begin?
 Let me tell you about the time when . . . I lived among the South Africans. 
I moved to South Africa just to see what it was like. Return with a business and as a West African’s wife.
With so much force, I reentered to the NY scene, Featured in Essence and Black Enterprise Magazine, Appearances on network morning news,
I had it all worked out and could not lose.

Successful business and dutiful wife, The twin towers fell, And so did my life.

 September 11, 2001, Business dried up,
And marriage number two was done.
 No more dimming my light, So that he could shine,
That is story for some other time.
 Yes, that was a whole other life,
God willing, next time I will get it right.

There are some many lives, spinning within, On the road to 50, I opened a gym,
That was my passion for wellness, And the entrepreneur living within.
I have been a writer, published a book, Worked in corporate America,
I talked the talk; I had the look. Taught constitutional law at an HBC, There are so many lives living in me..

Life is a journey, A voyage it be
I am a Muslim,
Sometimes struggling to be.
Life is a journey,
So many tests along the way,
I did not break, though I found myself sway,
Oh Allah, lead to the path of those that go not astrayBack in the day,
I was the Poetess in the Raw, That was before I practiced law,
Expressing myself with fashion design, That was a whole other time,
 Before my creativity was suppressed,
Silenced chasing someone else’s concept of success

Daddy died when I was fifteen, Learning early what death means.
My brother Ikey who was closest in age, When I was 19, we lowered him in the grave.
I was caregiver for daddy at the age of 10.
Lived some life, pushed paused, and care gave again. That was for Jerlene,
She was not only my sister, She was also my friend.

Brother Hussein said,
“Many blessing at the bedside of the sick,” I thought I was giving,
But I got the gift.
May Allah be please with Jerlene, and forgive her flaws, Allah be please with them all

Hussein, Ikey, Rosetta, Clarence, and his son, I entered the Dunya with six siblings,
Now, it is Brenda and I, I only have one.
To Allah we shall return, From Allah we come,
I grow closer to God, With each passing one.

Momma is approaching a hundred and two, My many lives pave the way for me to do, For her what I need to do.
She is still on this earth, As a Muslim I understand,
What that blessing is worth.

Care given again,
Driven by love and the Muslim within, And the rights of my kin.
The earth is spacious, there is much to see, Feeding the traveler in me.

Made salat at the Taj Mahal while in India on a business trip, Traveled to Mecca and Medina for the ultimate spiritual lift, Presented in Jordan as a part of a team,

Told the story about what being a Muslim in America means,
Life is journey A test it be,
I am embracing,
Being authentically me,
For some, this will be way too much, For others not quite enough,
But I must be me. Passionate and flawed, I lived a lot of lives,
And I embrace them all. Tell my story.

How to do that?
I must tell you where I have been, For you to see where I am at.
Born a Muslim in a non-Muslim land, Rejected that God was that image of the man.

Careering as a Muslim, with those that want to make me other than, That created a conflict without and within.

I have been a leader,
“You lead with unwavering integrity,”

I should have responded, “that is the Muslim in me.” Instead, I hid my faith, as I climbed the corporate ladder, Needing reminders of what really mattered, Unapologetically Muslim,

Taking my stand, I am,
Who I am.
The women in family were extraordinarily strong, Speak baby girl if you are wronged,
My brothers taught me how to flight,
My father let me know, paving my own path was all right.

I been a warrior all my life,
My legal training just brought efficiency to the fight, I racked up win after win,
Now I know, I do not have to battle just because I can.
I have lived so many lives that is for sure, If it be the will of Allah, I will live more.
 Yester-life, I enrolled in the professionalization extended degree, Then I walked to Allah,
And Allah ran to me, Blessed and happy,
This is the Muslimization of me.
 Oh Allah, let me live my lives being my best, Oh Allah, let me past this test.
Let me be in a state of Islam at the moment of death. Ameen, Ameen, Ameen