Wrapped in a long black veil
Niqab on my face with only my eyes shown
I was walking down the street in Iran, Mashhad 
My gaze down to the ground like a good girl that I was instructed 
I hid all my existence to not promote any man’s slip to the sin

To not temp any weak heart 
I was walking fast; I was told a good girl should look down, walk fast and not look at men
A man passed by, and I heard him say to his friend, “Look at Zorro’s mother”

The second day another man said, “She only flaunts her good features which is her eyes. God knows how ugly the rest of her face is.”
Modest to the strictest sense
Yet their harassing words would fly on my way
Finally, I decided to lift my Niqab and only keep my Hejab

I grew up in a bubble of religious talks
Women “should”, and women “shouldn’t” strict rules
Girls and women should wear Hejab

They shouldn’t laugh out loud
They shouldn’t do make-up or color nails
They shouldn’t look eye-to-eye with a man
They shouldn’t flaunt their beauty unless for their husband

I grew up in an environment that a strand of woman’s hair shown to a stranger was a bridge straight to hell
I heard of stories that there are women in hell who are hanged by their hairs
Those women scream with scruciating pain
They are punished because they showed their hair to non-Mahram
And I wonder can Allah be so cruel?
Why is my hair forbidden?
If my hair is so tempting and prohibited, why I was blessed by it?

Why wasn’t I created bald?
When I was 12, my father beat me one day
Because I went to my aunt’s room and watched cartoon at the presence of male cousins

That day I hated him and all men
I cried all night for being a girl
My father thought he protected me and gave me a lesson, but my heart was wounded with the injustice I experienced

Another day my 15 years old cousin told my sister who was 6 years old that she is not a good girl because she was not wearing a Hejab, “You are now a big girl; where is your hejab?” He demanded.

Another day, an uncle told her niece, “I will throw you out of window if I see you next to the window and you are not wearing a Hejab”
And to this day that girl has nightmares that her uncle throws her out of window
Why our hair is so forbidden, and men’s hair aren’t?
Why are we frightened and scarred for strand of hairs?

When I went to Afghanistan from Iran, the street harassments continued
I was fully covered, not a strand of my hair shown 
Yet harsh words stung me like bees everyday
Harassing men like mosquitoes buzzed ubiquitously 
Bothering us and pricking us with their unwelcomed words

One day a taxi braked in front of me, “Come sit in the front, next to me”
Another day the boy in front of our alley said, “Your eyes are pretty with the black Hejab”
And I question myself, what am I doing wrong?
I am covering myself so that their weak hearts don’t tremble

But if they are bad, my Hejab won’t stop them
I limit my freedom, my comfort
In the hot days I wore black veils because I was told color would attract men’s attention
Through all my youth years I hated being so much limited as a girl

When I came to the US, the bubble of religious’ talks and strict patriarchal culture burst
I started questioning everything one by one
And nobody would accuse me of being infidel for questioning the word of God
I questioned my faith, my beliefs, and my practices more freely

Why was I wearing Hejab?
Why I had to cover my hair?
Why didn’t men cover their hair?
The result was simple for me
Allah didn’t ask women to cover their hair
Quran mentions, “Cover your bosom”, no mention of covering hair
Allah who is just and the most beautiful created our hair
Why would he ask women to cover and men not to cover?
After my research I no longer believed in Hejab
I didn’t believe Allah who is AR-RA’OOF, The Most Kind, would punish me if I show my hair
Allah who is Al-ADL, The Utterly Just, wouldn’t differentiate between my hair and a man’s hair

I no longer believe my hair is forbidden
The beautiful hair that Allah blessed me with is for me to flaunt
I let it shine and embarrass the wind
I let it touch the rain and sunrays
I let my head and my hair be free
I let my heart to be open and kind
I let Allah’s forgiveness run through my veins and through my hair strands

I let jewels design my hair
I let the beauty of it reminds everyone of Allah’s creation
My hair is no longer forbidden
My hair is permitted