A love letter to my Hijab

You have been with me every day since I was 13 years old. We have grown together and have seen so many things, the good and the not-so-good. You are my comfort, my confidence, my shield, and a major part of my identity.

When I was little, I would see my mom wear her Hijab proudly. Every day, she would get ready and pick out a Hijab that perfectly matched her outfit. She always looked so beautiful. I still admire how she carries herself with and without her Hijab, and how confident she is, in every aspect of her life.

When I made the decision to wear my Hijab everywhere, I thought I knew what it meant to wear it. I knew I believed it is Allah’s will and that as a Muslim woman, it is what I should do. But I did not fully understand how to practice Hijab. I did not know how I would grow because of my Hijab into the woman I am today. Nor did I know how people’s views of me would change, how I will be stared at, questioned, and targeted, or respected, cared for, and valued.

Practicing Hijab is very unique. To me, it meant to carry myself with care. To be conscious of what I said, how I treated others, and how I represented Islam in a society where most people do not know what it means to be a Muslim.

Most of the people I meet automatically assume I am very conservative and meek. To them, the Hijab is a sign of oppression, something to pity me for or ask if I am okay with. But as I would build relationships with others, they saw how empowering my Hijab is. They would ask questions and be able to get a deeper understanding of not only what Hijab is, but its purpose. People were able to see how I live following my values and beliefs, and I think people respected me for it.

In a way, wearing and practicing Hijab, made me feel more Muslim, more special and connected to our Ummah. I felt proud of myself for wearing it and representing Muslim women in spaces they are rarely seen. My Hijab gave me confidence, and made me feel like I was not alone, even if in that present moment, I was.

My hijab is also my shield. For one, it shields me from the things and people that are not good or valuable to me, Alhamdullilah. However, I realized that it was also a shield that hid myself, from myself. I saw myself not putting in as much effort into building my faith or practicing Islam up to the standards I know I should be. I became more concerned about how others perceived me, and to me my Hijab validated by faith, without me doing much else.

Weaving Hijab and fashion is how I show my intention outwardly, it allows me to control what people see and what they don’t see. I love that. I love that I can cover myself, protect myself, and express myself, with clothes and with my Hijab. The tricky part is to balance the amount of energy I am putting into what I portray to others, verses who I am.

As I am learning more about myself, my goal is to grow into the person I choose to show on the outside. To be more kind, patient and caring to myself. To grow and work on my faith that I have used as part of my identity, and actually have it as part of my identity.

There is still a lot to learn about you and our relationship together, and how we are on the inside, and the outside. But I wanted to thank you for being there as a constant. A constant reminder of Allah, a constant protection for me. JazakAllah Khair, my Hijab <3