I Write

I write because my tongue is heavy

My tongue is heavy with thoughts I have bottled up

With tears that won’t come forth

My tongue is heavy with a language I only speak with my mother

A mother I remember at my age

Of memories returning

Of myself returning

My tongue is heavy with words they took from me

With words they twisted and coiled

My tongue is heavy with snakes and silver and whispers of zirconium

My tongue is heavy with histories of my grandmother of her stories ringing in my ears

A ringing of pride – of insisting upon return

A ringing of duties drilled into me as a child

And learning those duties are a construct

My tongue is heavy

It weighs me down

My voice has weighed me down

And in it, I sit in silence

In these words untold

They did create fear

They did break me

But they don’t realize

I don’t carry my pieces

These loves carry me

My sister who teaches me what a partner from birth to death is

My gift from Allah who checks on me when I forget

To my lion of strength who teaches what unrelenting is

To Neda, a reminder of cleansing in the night and freshness of morning

And Yazan – my Taurean grounder – my balance in a world unbalanced

حياتي هؤلاء

بموت فيهم

My siblings and my babies

My students and my teachers

Companions made strangers made companions

From them, light comes forth

I submit these pieces to you

يا رحمان

يا رحيم

يا ودود

يا فتاح الكريم

الحمدلك يا رب العالمين